Who is in charge of this party anyway?

 I've wondered at times how it is that two very mellow adults have together created children with such strong personalities? Does it have something to do with our parenting techniques? Is it a gift from God to bring excitement into our lives? . . . Perhaps both.

Another idea that has recently been flickering across my mind is that God in His infinite wisdom knew that I would not be one of those "cool" mothers who knows how to throw a world class over the top birthday party certain to secure endless friends for her child. Thank heavens my children are so good at making friends by themselves, because if it were up to my birthday party throwing skills . . . they would be doomed!

If you are an elite Birthday Party throwing parent you send your invitations out weeks in advance and they are handcrafted with cute scrapbook paper. This is a fact. I have a friend that lives down the street who sent out her sons birthday invitation weeks in advance and the invitation was so incredible that the kids have been fighting for days over who gets to hold it!

Ya . . . we sent Drew's invites out a day or two before the party. He was going to invite three kids from his class and a couple kids from the ward. Well he brought the invitations to school on Friday and later that day I get a phone call.

"Hi, is Drew there?"

"No, sorry."

"Well, he told me to bring a ball to his birthday party, and I was wondering if he wanted me to bring a big ball or a small ball."

Certain that it was his friend David I said, "David, I don't know what Drew told you. I will have him call you okay?"

He hesitated and said, ". . . Okay."

Mmmmn . . . what is Drew telling his friends about his party? And how did David get his invitation already? Drew must have run it over to him.

I called David's Mom and asked her, "Hey, what time did it say the party was going to be at on Davids invitation?" I was a little paranoid that I had written 2 on some of the invitations and 3 on others. Yes . . . it is totally something that I would do.

She answered back, "Um . . . David never received an invitation."

"What? He totally called me saying that Drew told him to bring a ball or something."

"No . . . I'm pretty sure that David never called over there."

Nice. I am AWESOME!! So then later I get a phone call from a parent of a child that Drew gave an invitation to.

"Hi, is this Drew's Mom?"

"Yes."

"Oh good. Connor will be coming to the party tomorrow, and he told me that he is supposed to bring his Beyblade Stadium?"

What? "Oh! It must have been Connor that called earlier! I thought it was Drew's friend David. I even called David's Mom and she had no clue what I was talking about! How embarrassing. Ha ha ha."

"Uh . . . Connor didn't call you."

"Oh." Awkward.

So the day of the party comes. Oh ya . . . that would be the next day. And I was preparing for the party. When I had asked Drew what he wanted to do at his Beyblade party he said, "We are going to "Bey" Mom. Of course!" Which if you know anything about "Blading" . . . Bey is short for Beyblading.

I knew that we couldn't just have the kids come and "Beyblade" if I were a good party throwing Mom.So I decided that we would start off with the children decorating cupcakes. Each trying to make their cupcake look like a Beyblade. Then we were going to do a little scavenger hunt in which there were notes from the "Dark Bladers" who had hid the Arenas and they would have to find the clues in order to find the arenas to Beyblade. And then possibly if we had time we would play "Pin the Beyblade to the stadium." Ya, that would satisfy any elite party throwing mother.

Well the first kid, Connor, arrived with a stadium in his hand.

Then a mystery child shows up. His name was Nicholas and he was holding two soccer balls.

"Ah . . . You are the one I talked to on the phone aren't you?! I called you David didn't I."

"Yeah."

"Sorry about that."

I said, "Okay guys. Come to the table and we will decorate cupcakes!"

But Drew ran to his friend said, "Great you brought the balls! Come on let's go in the backyard and play some soccer!" And off they ran.

Oh heck . . . I would rather play soccer than decorate cupcakes too. And so I let them. Other boys showed up with their stadiums (that Drew had asked them to bring) and the kids all played soccer for awhile and then they had a Beyblade tournament. No pin the beyblade on the stadium. No scavenger hunt. Drew had his own plans and was running the show. And I let him. His party turned out to be more exciting than the one I had planned anyway. I mean honestly, how did it come about that "Pin the tail on the Donkey" and all other versions started to rule the birthday party agenda? Is it really that great of a game that we feel like parties aren't complete unless we add it? . . .
Anyway, I attempted to make a cake that looked like a Beyblade . . . but when the kids came in Drew looked at the cake and said, "Mom! I thought you were going to make a Beyblade cake . . . Not an Octopus!" He was completely serious.

Ya . . . that's why I don't decorate cakes.

Oh boy, what can I say? I may not be cut out for birthday planning. But Drew is!! Drew had that party planned! I had a few extra cupcakes at the end of the day . . .  but hey, Drew enjoyed his party. I may not have impressed anyone with my party planning, and I certainly didn't impress anyone with my cake decorating skills . . . but I'm pretty sure Drew had fun, and he knows that I love him! And that is what matters. . . . I hope. Because if I get to the final judgement and the extent of my birthday party throwing skills is a determining factor . . . I am so in trouble!!!!!

Too Many Games?

I admit that I am one of those mothers who tries to manipulate her children by turning everything into a game.

If my children are dragging their feet getting ready for bed at night I will often blurt out, "Who can get their pajamas on the fastest?" And if one kid starts running and the other kids are still dragging their feet it usually just takes, "Oh I  guess Hayden is going to win . . . " and usually the other two start running as well.

Many times the kids have no idea there is even a game going on until, for example, at prayer time I say something like, "Oh . . . I guess Drew is winning the 'Reverence' Game right now." They had no idea the Reverence Game even existed, but if I'm lucky the other kids (not wanting to lose the reverence game) will actually decide to kneel down and fold their arms too.

The Quite Game is great as well. At the dinner table when the children are practically screaming to each other as if they are two football fields away (when actually they are only 12 inches apart) . . . sometimes I will say, " I guess Tilson is totally winning the 'Quiet' game right now." I don't know who invented the quiet game . . . but they deserve a medal. I feel as if I owe them something. All it takes sometimes is a simple, "Let's play the quiet game" and I don't need to say a thing more. The children just take over. But let's be honest . . . my kids don't play the 'Quiet Game' nearly long enough!!

It's terrible I know. I haven't really worried about this manipulation, but I think I might be using the "Game" thing just a little bit too much. This occurred to me after a conversation between Hayden and Ada this morning. Here's how it went:

Ada: "Mom, PLEASE can I have some candy!!! PLEASE!"

Mary: "Ada, what have you even eaten that's healthy today?"

Ada: " Mom! I ate an apple. Did you forget that?"

Mary: "Yes Ada, an apple is healthy. But is that all you've eaten that's healthy?"

Hayden: "Ya Ada, like . . . I have already eaten TWO healthy things today, and you have only eaten one! I am totally winning the 'healthy snack eating' game."

Mary: "Hayden . . . be nice."

Ada: "Ya Hayden . . . I am totally winning the 'Be Nice' game."

Hayden: "Ya but I am winning the 'healthy snack eating' game."

Ada: "Oh ya, . . . well I'm winning the "not healthy snack eating' game."

Mary: Thinking to herself, "No Ada . . . Mommy always wins the 'not healthy snack eating' game."

Hayden: " Ada, that is not even a good game to win!"

So true Hayden. And Oh boy . . . what on earth have I started?!

Becoming Superwoman

 I was looking through old pictures last night and I had one of those "I want to go back in time and tell my younger self something" sort of moments.
 I was looking at pictures from when we lived in St. George and Drew was a baby. I was seriously laughing out loud! There were all of these pictures of  me doing day to day tasks with Andrew in my arms and a scowl on my face. I hadn't realized yet that:
1. It is okay to put your baby down sometimes.
2. It is possible to smile and be a mother at the same time.


My favorite baby shower activity ever is when they have the little slips of paper to write advice on, I take like fifteen of them and grace them with all of my wisdom as a mother because with four kids I now know everything (ha ha ha)

Okay, not really . . . at all. But on one piece of paper I like to write, "It's okay to put your baby down when you brush your teeth."

I say this because about 8 years ago, after a BUSY day of motherhood (did I even know the definition of busy then?) , Lamon walked in the door and I told him, "I haven't even had enough time to brush my teeth today!"
True Story. Oh how it makes me laugh now . . .

Whenever anyone asks me "Which transition is harder? Going from one to two kids, two to three . . . or three to four?"
I don't even hesitate in answering, "Hands down the hardest is going from zero children to one. So if your looking for a good transition, don't stop yet! :)"

See, now I have four kids and I've somehow turned into Superwoman! Don't even try to contradict me either! The other day I was babysitting and had eight kids under the age of 10 in my house the entire day and when Lamon came home he put his arms around me and said, "You are Superwoman!"
I gave him a funny face (standing in front of a sink full of dishes) and said, "Really? I'm Superwoman? And that's why the dishes are done right now and there is an amazing dinner on the table waiting for you?"

And he said, "No. I am just impressed that the house hasn't burned down."

"Nice!" So glad expectations are so high here.

So if you are a first time mother and feel worn down and like you don't amount to much . . . know that one day you too can become a Superwoman. It just takes having more kids while managing not to burn the house down. . . :)

Okay, perhaps I am not Superwoman . . . but I have certainly come a long ways since that stressed exhausted mother of one who couldn't find time to brush her teeth.

Now I can make cookies happily because I have six extra hands helping me to do it. And some of my favorite exercise sessions are while laughing and playing soccer in the front yard with three kids and a baby strapped to me in a Moby wrap (I love those things) and I can even take four children ice skating by myself for Family Night.

Oh ya . . . and not only can I brush my teeth everyday . . . I even find time to floss. . . . all while not burning the house down. . . See, I am Superwoman!!!!!

My 36th Favorite Chore!

CLEANING is not my favorite past time. I know it's important, and I do it (sometimes) but I can think of a few things that are my "more favorite" things to do.

There are certainly some jobs that I like way more than others. Laundry for instance . . . I like (in moderation) . . . Dishes . . . they can be fun. But there are some chores that I will almost always delay until the last possible moment. And one of those chores is Deep Cleaning the Refrigerator. I just don't like it. I have been trying to reflect on why I hate it so much and think I have uncovered the reasons behind it, which might be the first step in overcoming this hatred and helping me to move forward happily and confidently into my cleaning future.

I have realized that part of my problem is that I HATE washing out tupperware full of old food. It is pretty much one of the worst things that you can experience. Okay, that might be an exaggeration. But I'm pretty sure that it must be a proven fact that inhaling fumes from rotten food takes away 3 years from your life at least and may make you more likely to acquire certain diseases. Although I don't exactly  have proof of this, I would put money on it.

When I do have to clean out the Fridge and take out the rotten food, I try and play it safe and start the water and disposal before ever attempting to open the lid to the tupperware. I close my eyes (seeing the rotten food always makes it worse), I hold my breath, and then open the lid and dump it out. I resume breathing once it has all completely been consumed by the disposal. The whole process is extremely traumatic, however. I am determined to overcome my refrigerator cleaning delinquency though, and I think I might have the answer on how to do it.

Between Spencer W. Kimball's motto "Do It" and Pres. Uchtdorf's suggestion to "Stop It" I think I can solve any problem. If I would only "Do It" when I notice food is past it's prime and needs to be removed, and "Stop It" when it comes to ignoring the tupperwares lurking in the back of the fridge . . . then I would prevent any chance of dying as a result of rotten food inhalation. And I would most certainly avoid the depression that comes after cleaning it and realizing that the fridge is now empty and I need to go shopping!!!

Super Star Kindergartner!

Kindergarten Programs are the best! Especially When:

•  You have to stay up late doing laundry because your child's uniform is not clean and you don't feel like it would be appropriate on such a special day to ask, "Is there anything clean in your dirty clothes pile?"

• You are suppose to be there at 9:30 and at 9:22 you finally get out the door with your 14 month old still in his pajamas from the previous night and his face covered with breakfast. Here is a picture for proof.

• You walk in and Grandma and Grandpa are there! Yeah! Life is always better when Grandma and Grandpa Barksdale are there!

Your Child is a Super Star and rocks the Hickory Dickory Dock. I mean it takes a lot of talent to walk that mouse around the clock. He was given that job for a reason! (Get's it after me)

• Your Child is so extremely goofy it brings a smile to your face! (Get's that from his Dad!)

• Your Child is pretty much the cutest kid up there! (Totally not biased)

A first time for everything!

Today was an important day for me. It was a day in which I reached a life long (okay not so much life long) goal.  It has been on my "try and be more fashionable" bucket list for quite sometime. I've already crossed off other "try and be more fashionable" goals this year such as:

• carry a purse instead of a man's wallet (I am still in the process of conquering this one. I bought a purse, and I've carried it twice . . . I'm just going to say CHECK!)
• wear make-up . . . CHECK (who cares if I bought it ten years ago . . . it's still good right?)
• wear boots over jeans (I used to laugh at everyone who did this and swore I never would . . . but CHECK)

And as worthy of praise as all of the above things are . . . today was pretty much monumental. Today, for the first time in my entire life  . . . I wore heels to church. Okay, not exactly "to church" I walked barefoot to church, and then put them on when I got there. But . . .  I made it all the way to our bench in the chapel, and then afterwords all the way to the Nursery without falling! How about that? And that included taking Ada out in the middle of Sacrament meeting in a full on temper tantrum. I had to carry her out kicking and screaming and pulling my hair . . . in heels . . . without falling . . . Need I say more? I am amazing. I guess all of those "How to Walk in High Heels" youtube videos really helped. J/K

Don't expect to catch me wearing them on any other day of the week but Sunday. And if you happen to see me wearing them on a Sunday . . . it will be walking from the front door of the church to the chapel or from the chapel to the primary . . . otherwise you are out of luck! Although Lamon did challenge me to wear them all the way home today, and I did. It was hard, but I did it. And I spiked them when I entered the front door. TOUCHDOWN! Bucket list. . . CHECK!

I know that Lamon thought I was hot . . . but can I just cross that one permanently off the "try and be more fashionable" bucket list? Because high heels are truly awful . . . and dangerous. I'm just glad I survived. :)

We went on a walk this evening along the river . . . and I will just tell you now that I did not wear heels. I wore my CHACOS. Now whoever made that shoe knew what they were doing!!!

One Good Book

I love reading to my kids. It is so satisfying to see the kids get immersed into a story. When I read out loud I love ending a chapter saying things like, "Mmmmn, I wonder what is going to happen next?" or by simply puting the book up to my face and "peeking" at the next chapter smiling without saying anything like I've just discovered a big secret. Some of my favorite words in the world are, "Mom . . .keep reading!!!"

I remember one Saturday about a year ago, Drew was in Kindergarten and we literally read the entire book The Magicians Nephew from the Chronicles of Narnia in one day. I decided that I would follow his lead and stop whenever he wanted me to. Well . . . he kept asking me to read more and more and I did . . . until we had finished the whole book. It took the entire day.

For Christmas this year Lamon's Mom gave the kids the book Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi (Not the Disney picture book version). She told the kids that part of their present would be that later in the year she would take them all to the play, but first to read the book.

Well we started it, but for some reason we set it aside. We have read lots of fun books since then, but we sort of forgot about Pinocchio. Well I was cleaning up the other day and saw it. I said, "Hey . . . we should read this!"

So for the last few days I have been reading it to the kids while they have eaten, while they have done their homework and while they have been in bed. It's been so fun to watch them react to this story. Drew would literally laugh out loud at so many different parts, and we all took turns shaking our heads saying, "Oh no! Pinocchio!!" as we had to watch him keep making mistake after mistake.

Well yesterday we started the evening off reading while the kids were doing their homework, and we had a bit of a "Chronicles of Narnia" moment. The kids did not want me to stop reading the book. Once they had finished their homework I told them that if they got all ready for bed we would say prayers and keep reading. And we did. We read until 10:00 at night (two hours past their bed time) When I read the ending it was nothing short of magical. We had taken this journey with Pinocchio. We had watched him make mistake after mistake wondering when he was going to learn his lesson. When was he going to learn that working and going to school would actually make him more happy than being idle? When would he learn to put those he loved first? When would he learn to have integrity? We wondered these things each chapter . . . until finally he does learn. He learns to work hard, to love and sacrifice and help others and finally the fairy tells him in a dream:

          "Brave Pinocchio! In return for your good heart, I forgive you all your past misdeeds. Children who love their parents, and help them when they are sick and poor, are worthy of praise and love, even if they are not models of obedience and good behaviour. Be good in future, and you will be happy."

And then Pinocchio wakes up a real boy.

I cannot describe to you how excited my children were as I read the ending. Their eyes were wide and they were grinning. When it was finished Drew, smiling ear to ear,  said with a sigh, "That was one good book!!"

But what he said next was the icing on the cake. He said, "Do you know why it was a good book? Because by reading it . . . it makes you better."

That was a triumphant moment.  And if that didn't encourage me to dip a little more into the classics . . . I don't know what will!! Priceless!!