Celebrating Jim

Earlier this week while driving in the car I was sharing memories of my brother Jim with the kids. I was telling them the things he liked to do and some of the memories I have of him. Even though I've told the kids how Jim died on numerous occasions, they still were asking me "how" and "why" he drowned. Kids are so inquisitive. After awhile Drew said to me,"Mom?"

"Ya Drew?"

"I wish that your brother didn't have to die. I wish I could have met him."

"I know bud. You are the only one who got to meet him. You were tiny tiny. He thought you were awesome! He would have really loved you guys!"

And he would have.

Yesterday would have been my brother Jim's 40th birthday. When you lose someone so close it is hard sometimes even to let yourself think about them. I know that for a long time I would get mad at Lamon for even bringing up his name. I didn't want to think about him. It was too hard.

But I have since realized that letting myself remember him and talk about him is actually healing and brings me comfort. I have decided that I want my kids to know about their uncle Jim, and the only way they will know about him is if I share him with them. I need to tell stories and show pictures and talk about him.

So anyway, we spent this last week celebrating Uncle Jim. We did some activities that Jim loved to do.

1. We fished on Wednesday night.

Jim loved to fish. My brothers spent a lot of time in the mountains up the Provo, near Deer Creek, and at Strawberry Reservoir fishing. They usually just caught and released, but I remember Jim bringing plenty of fish home to cook up. And he knew what he was doing too. Or so I hear. I personally never tasted his fish. I hate fish. And I think I am still traumatized by seeing him cut the heads off and gut his fish in our kitchen sink. :)

2. We went to an Owls game on Thursday.
Jim loved baseball. I remember that he especially loved to watch the pitchers. He spent a lot of hours throwing the baseball with my brother Dave in the back yard. He even got me out there multiple times to play catch with him. And by the way he complimented me and encouraged me you would think I could go and play professional softball (and we all know how hilarious that is). Jim just had a way of making me feel like I was great. He knew what to say to me to really build me up.

3. We visited his grave on Saturday with Mom, Dad and John.
John bought some red, yellow and green balloons (reggae colors) and they were weighed down by a cushy baseball. It was perfect. We put them at his grave site and sang the Barksdale's version of the Happy Birthday song, which if anyone was in earshot I really do truly apologize. But I'm sure that Jim enjoyed it. :)

4. We went on a hike up Cascade (one of his favorite hikes).

We didn't make it all the way up. It is quite the hike.  But we did go up a ways until it started downpouring rain on us. I'm sure if Jim had been there he wouldn't have minded the rain. He liked a good storm. I will always remember how physically strong Jim was. It was quite amazing that with his smoker lungs he could outrun, outhike, outbox, out snowboard . . . anyone in the family. (I don't know if that sounds as impressive as it should or not . . . )

5. We finished things off with a barbeque and some Woofle Ball on Saturday night.
Mom, Dad, John, Dave, Ariel, Liz, Chris and their kids all came over. We ate some grilled chicken, RAMEN salad and some cake. I made the Ramen salad in honor of Jim because Jim ate Ramen noodles all of the time. It was one of his staples. Or was it his only staple? Anyway, it was a nice week. The kids got to hear about and do a lot of things to remember their awesome Uncle. I love and miss your guts Jim!  :)